How to talk to your child’s school

Most of the time we don’t need to hover over our children’s school finding out about every move our kids make, but sometimes we either have a concern we want to share or information we need to get. Here are some tips on how to get the best out of your parent-teacher relationship.

• Don’t be afraid to ask. It’s easy to fall into the habit of feeling like our kids’ teachers are in charge of us too. However, what teachers really want is to have a positive line of communication with all parents so that they know the children they teach are supported beyond the classroom.

• Teachers are human too. Just as our friends and workmates are all different, so are teachers. Some might have an abrupt personality, others will be chatty and easy to make light conversation with. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be the teacher’s new best friend. They all have the interests of your child at heart. (Indeed, you might find that some teachers have a much better rapport with children than they do adults, but that at least is the right way round!)

• Don’t wait until parents’ evening. Although these meetings are sufficient face-to-face contact for most parents, sometimes an issue arises that needs attention sooner than this. Or perhaps a question arises that requires a longer appointment. Teachers are expected to communicate with you at times other than parents’ evening where necessary, so don’t be afraid to approach them. However, do think about what you want to discuss and don’t let little questions become a weekly Q&A session.

• Get your timing right. Bear in mind that even though you can leave brief messages  at drop off time in the morning (letting the teacher know about a different parent collecting your child at pick-up time), this is not the best time to have a proper discussion. Instead, ask your teacher when is the best time for her to talk to you.

• Write a note first. Whether it’s to ask for a meeting or to raise a quick question, you will probably find that handing your teacher a note is the best way of getting a message across. If your child’s teacher has time, she might be able to read the note at that moment and give you a response, but if not she will be able to reply more fully at a time that’s easier for her. Put your telephone number on the note so she can text or call you, or suggest that she can get back to you via a note in your child’s book bag. Give her a couple of options but do make sure you suggest how best to get hold of you.

• What’s your worry? Think about whether or not your child’s teacher is actually the best person to talk to. If you have a question about school lunches, holiday dates etc, the school’s office will be a better port of call. If you drop in at the beginning of the day, bear in mind that they will be frantic with late arrivals and other queries, so be patient. Otherwise, either popping in to see them at the end of the day just before collecting your children, or phoning them during school hours might get you a more detailed response.

• If you don’t get answers. You and your children need to feel that school is a place that understands your needs just as much as you respect the school’s way of working. You can make an appointment with your head teacher. If you have a problem with a specific teacher, don’t expect the head teacher to immediately jump to agree with you as she is her team’s manager and needs to explore all sides of an issue. However, you can discuss what positive ways forward there might be. Your school won’t want to clash with you, but they will want to resolve problems calmly and thoroughly.

For more information about what you can expect from your relationship with your children’s schools, go to the website of the Advisory Centre for Education or call 0808 800 5793.