How to get your partner to share the housework

It’s one thing cleaning up after your kids, but it’s a much less easy task if your other half’s idea of helping is lifting up his feet while you vacuum beneath them. Divvying up the household chores are the source of many family rows but there are ways to get it done with a smile.

Talk it through
Firstly, set aside some time to talk to your partner, perhaps over a quiet dinner once the kids are in bed, about why you need some help and why you feel it’s their job to share the workload. Explain what jobs need to be done and how much of your time is taken up each week doing them. This is likely to get a much better result then waiting until you reach boiling point then sounding off at their lack of participation.

Allocate jobs
If your other half is the type of person who simply doesn’t see the mess around them they’re likely to be baffled by your complaints particularly if you’ve already established a pattern of doing all the cleaning yourself. Try allocating specific tasks rather than hoping they’ll miraculously start general cleaning. Delegate sorting out the rubbish and recycling on collection day to them and pretty soon this will become a set routine - give or take the odd prompt. Another good option is to hand over the rubber gloves and get them doing the washing up or loading the dishwasher every evening after dinner - a harder task to wriggle out of than a vague request to do some vacuuming once a week.

Use child labour
Get your kids involved with a few easy tasks too. If cleaning up becomes a household habit then it will be easier to encourage – or force – your other half to join in as well. You could also consider making a rota chart to keep everyone on track. Computer whizzes could even create a spreadsheet that sends online prompts!

Relax your standards
It’s also worth evaluating what household chores are actually important to you. Does the dusting have to be done every week or could you downgrade this to fortnightly and save yourself the stress of worrying about it? You could also try asking your partner to take responsibility for their own possessions like doing their own ironing for example. It’s easy to give a quick introductory lesson and it won’t have much of an impact on your own life if you subsequently give up doing it yourself!

Points mean prizes
A neat trick is to operate an incentive scheme where household chores earn you credits for nights out. The more cleaning your other half does, the more football in the pub he gets to watch. Conversely the more he leaves for you to do, the more he’s left in charge of the kids while you go out. You can approach this in quite a light-hearted way but follow through on your idea.

Last resort
If all else fails if might be worth employing a cleaner and asking your partner to stump up if they’re not prepared to help out. The thought of shelling out for something they could easily do themselves might be the tipping point for them digging out the dusters! If not, even having someone clean for a couple of hours a fortnight can ease the load considerably and can be arranged reasonably cheaply.